Today, we are beginning a series called Rebuilding Your Life. How many of you have experienced unexpected setbacks? All of us. Then, certain questions arise as a result of the setback.Why did my relationship end and what am I going to do? Is there something wrong with me? Where will I get the money to pay my bills when I have lost my job? Who will hire me at my age? How do I deal with a difficult manager? We begin to panic and the stress of rebuilding our lives become overwhelming; thus, we seek direction from others i.e friends,family,clergy,therapist or life coach.
It’s true that our experience of stress lies in how we view things. The problem worsens when we have too many stressors in our lives; it takes a consistent, conscious effort to recover physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. So, the question is how to recognize stress and what steps to take to alleviate it. The solution is to eliminate some of the problems (the ones you can control) that cause stress by developing new habits, finding different way of viewing/handling the issue and incorporating physical activities that reduce stress levels. Below are scenarios that are relational. Let’s look at them.
Scenario # 1 Infidelity Raymond and Rita Robinson’s marriage is crumbling right before their eyes and they’re communicating by yelling, screaming, crying, swearing, or trying to reason with one another but nothing changes. The most painful stressor in a relationship is infidelity. Not only are the Robinson’s marriage falling apart, Rita finds out that her husband of fourteen years is cheating and wants out of the marriage.
Scenario # 2 Unrealistic Expectations Sometimes a relationship is non-committal .Cynthia is hoping that David will change his mind, see how wonderful she is and decides to make a commitment after all. David reminds her of their initial conversation that he is not looking for a committed relationship. Of course, Cynthia is devastated.
Scenario # 3 Low self-esteem Angela is in love with Richard. At the beginning, they are close, spend most of their time together and have discussed the possibility of marriage. However, Richard acknowledges (to himself) that the only reason he is with Angela is because she pays his bills, splurges on clothes and jewelry and always offers to pay for vacations. So, he slowly pulls away from her. Poor Angela feels the only way she can keep Richard is to shower him with gifts and money so that he won’t leave her. She views herself as unattractive, overweight and unlovable. How do these couples, in all three scenarios, come to terms with their situations, start the healing process and rebuild their lives?
What would you do?
Tune in tomorrow for the solutions!
(Excerpts from Relationships Start With You)