RSWY Series-Rebuilding Your Life Part 4

Low Self-Esteem

What is low self-esteem? Low self-esteem is lack of confidence and dissatisfaction with oneself.

Scenario # 3 Low self-esteem

At some point in Angela‘s life, she believed that she was unattractive and no one could love her. Was it her parents, sibling or mean-spirited kids at school that planted those seeds of self-hatred? Let’s get to the bottom of Angela’s problem.

Angela has a younger sister named Tiffany who is thin, fair skinned and gorgeous. Family members dote on Tiffany; she’s outgoing and loves to be the center of attention. Angela is the opposite and feels invisible. She often goes to her room unnoticed, gets a candy bar out of her nightstand drawer and eats her comfort food; it temporarily pacifies her. Later, misery and shame sets in so she gets mad at herself for indulging.

Angela and Tiffany are now young women and they lead different lives. Tiffany finishes college and gets married to a wealthy stockbroker. Angela is single, lonely and works at a department store as a sales associate. At family gatherings, Tiffany always tells everyone how she loves being a housewife and shares stories about her rich counterparts. Angela, on the other hand, compares her life  to Tiffany’s and it causes her to feel inadequate and a disappointment to her family.

One day a tall, dark and handsome gentleman named Richard approaches Angela at her job and ask her out. She reluctantly says yes and is shocked that a good looking man would even notice her.They meet at the movies because she feels uncomfortable riding with him. After the movies, Richard has to leave because he receives an important phone call; it is his girlfriend. Of course, he doesn’t share that piece of information with Angela.

At the beginning, they are close, spend most of their evenings together and have discussed the possibility of marriage. As time passes, Angela falls in love with Richard. She wants to introduce him to her parents but he’s not ready. Richard acknowledges (to himself) that the only reason he is with Angela is because she pays his bills, splurges on clothes,jewelry and other essentials.

Richard slowly pulls away from her. Poor Angela feels the only way she can keep him is to continue to shower him with gifts and money so that he won’t leave her. She views herself as unattractive, overweight and unlovable. Angela is willing to keep Richard around because she doesn’t want to feel like a misfit.  What is wrong with this picture?

Angela is allowing Richard to take advantage of her because she doesn’t love herself. It is more important to her to have a piece of him, however, he is totally disconnected. He’s gotten everything he needs and wants out of  her. He finally tells Angela that he wants out.She refuses to accept that the fling is over.

As a result of being rejected, Angela experiences humiliation, depression, and devastation. The mental picture she has of herself  has nothing to do with being valued, loved, accepted, and thought well of by others. When she looks in the mirror, she ask herself,” why can’t I look like Tiffany and how do I get others to value, love, and accept me.”

The harsh reality is people see you the way you perceive yourself. First, Angela has to admit that she was used by Richard because she did not regard herself as lovable. Consequently, the first man that gave her attention had ulterior motives and she allowed it.  A life coach can help her begin seeing herself in a different light.Secondly, the self-hatred stemmed from her childhood. The problem with most women is they value themselves based on how others see or treat them . Love comes from within and you don’t have to be pretty and thin to be loved by others.We come in all shapes, colors and sizes; that’s what makes us unique.

Ladies, we are fearfully and wonderfully made by the creator, God.

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2 thoughts on “RSWY Series-Rebuilding Your Life Part 4

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