“You are so stupid!” “Nobody wants you!” ” You need to lose weight with your fat a$%!” Words cut to the core of a person. MALES who are insecure and inept control their mates through verbal attacks and intimidation. Most of the time they convey negative messages by yelling, cursing,screaming, jokes, blaming , name calling,using words to embarrass and degrade, blowing up with anger and rage and are always on the defensive. More importantly, the perpetrator dismisses his mate’s feelings and says that she is too sensitive. They try to break the confidence and spirit of a woman which causes her to doubt who she is and essentially her self-esteem is in the toilet.
Anatomy of a Perpetrator- Verbal abusers are insecure and have deep seeded issues of inadequacy. They are sometimes narcissistic, reactive, manipulative, a loner, opportunistic, self-deceptive and have rigid expectations. Verbal abusers need to feel powerful and be in control; thus,simulating a sense of feeling good about themselves. So, they attack the person closest to them which is their mate. If the mate backs down when she is confronted or berated it makes him feel good; he conquered what he sets out to do-humiliate her. Most abusers do not want the outside world to know that mean and nasty words come out of their mouths. They have an “image” to uphold. They want to appear kind, loving and attentive. So, a woman is usually safe when others are around. Image is everything to an insecure male.
“People who have never been abused often wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave. They don’t understand that breaking up can be more complicated than it seems.” Break the Cycle
REMEDY– The only way to stop verbal abuse is to change the way you respond to it. Please understand that it is not your fault. Most verbal abusers have deep seeded psychological issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Remove yourself from the situation and get professional help. In addition have a solid, trusting support group that can encourage you to see the situation for what it really is:abuse. Do not show your emotions to the abuser. They feed off of your reaction. No platform. No reaction. Lastly, allow yourself time to heal. In the event that you are able to work things out with your mate and the verbal abuse stops, you need to let your emotions heal. Again, counseling can help you rebuild your self-esteem. After he has received help, limit your interaction until you feel ready to be around him again.
MANTRA– Physical, emotional, mental and psychological abuse is not to be tolerated. I will not put myself in the position to be bullied, disrespected, verbally abused or live in fear. Cowards hurt women. Men treat women with class, respect, patience, love, and they appreciate you. If you are in a threatening, volatile situation, please seek help immediately. Call 911, crisis hotline or seek refuge from family, friends or a shelter. When you love yourself, you will not stay in an abusive relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
I am not designed to be hurt or abused in any form because_________________.I will not put my children nor myself in a volatile situation because I am financially dependent or have nowhere to go. There are resources that are available to me.