He’s Just Not That Into to You: What Happened to the Marriage Chord?

angry couple

Marriages fail because of pure selfishness and stubbornness. If a person is not willing to forgive you pray for them with the love of God and a pure heart. It’s easy to see your mate’s faults but it’s hard as hell to accept that you have deficiencies, too.
The courts are flooded with the business of executing divorces. The day you vowed to accept, love, respect, cherish, provide and forsake others was not a game. You made a covenant with God and your spouse. The question is, did you really want to follow God’s instruction concerning marriage? Marriage is not about going through the motions; it needs to be taken seriously.
Love is free and accepting but devotion is loyalty and commitment. Marriage takes two committed people to make a decision to work things out no matter what! Don’t allow your hatred to cause you to destroy your covenant . Take inventory of your life and your own truths.
So many people destroy the gift that God has given them. When your spouse is sick and tired of the petty nonsense, lack of caring and commitment, they have reached a breaking point. There is absolutely no turning back. When it’s over; it is over. It’s not always about being right, holding grudges, or having a “I don’t give a damn” spirit. What you don’t cherish someone is waiting in the wings to scoop up what you have discarded: your spouse. I promise you once you come to your senses, you will realize the pain and lack of love you inflicted on your gift from God. God WILL bring it to your remembrance.
What really matters to you?
My prayer today is that couples who have reached the brink of falling out of love will take heed and recognize that your marriage is worth saving.
#forgive
#chooselove

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Relationships Start With You 10, 000 Strong Rally August 31, 2015

imageGood morning RSWY Loyal Fans!
We have 16 days until the 10,000 Strong Rally. Thanks to each of you that are fully committed to seeing this through. It’s not about the number 10,000 but the support of those who believe that RSWY can change a woman or a couple’s life one person at a time. I am determined to share my story and reach the masses! There will be an upcoming video from me along with a question and answer session. Two lucky people will win a 15 minute session with me. You do not have to live in my area to win but you must participate in the event.
RSWY is on the move and my prayer is that hearts will be healed, careers will come to fruition and healthy relationships are formed.
Again many thanks for your loyalty,
Gwendolyn Continue reading

Women and Relationships Days 8-9 Female Friendships

black white friendshipEssence Magazine, February 2012 issue,had an article called The Relationship Rules. Guest bloggers reviewed the “playbook on dating, sex and when to tell a little white lie.” One of the rules that I found fascinating was “if he’s dated your friend, he’s off limits.”

The guest bloggers’ general consciences was if you have officially ended the relationship, then the guy is free game just as long as you discuss it with your friend. I really pondered over the notion and was surprised at the responses. If you have been sexually involved with your ex, why would it be okay for your friend to date him? Intimate details have been shared among  friends and it would appear to be an awkward situation. I just can’t go along with the ideology because my friendship could possibly be strained even though I have been given the “go ahead” to start dating the “old flame.”

RATIONALE-Where is the logic in this? I’ve heard the rationale that there is a shortage of men. Dating my friend’s ex is too close to home. I value my female friends and I would be so uncomfortable; it’s almost taboo. You have entrusted your friend with personal information and you use it against her to win him over. That is classless. There are enough men in the world that you don’t have to target your friend’s ex.

The number one reason NOT to date your friend’s former partner is because it will eventually break up the friendship and in the process you have lost a trusted friend. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and someone you used to love got involved with your close friend? You have just broken rule # 1: I can’t date him because she dated him. Secondly, none of your friends would want to be around you out of fear that you are checking out their boyfriend. Thirdly, don’t assume that you understand the intimate complexities of their relationship and why they broke up. Women share some things about their beau NOT everything . Lastly, what goes around comes around.

MANTRA: Dating a friend’s ex is never a good idea. Don’t you think for one minute that your friend giving you her blessing doesn’t mind, because she does. It is much better to find someone new than to risk a special friendship/bond over a relationship that may not last.  Curiosity killed the cat and your friendship’s nine lives will come to an end!!!

Remember: true friendships are priceless.

I am guilty of dating my best friend’s ex-boyfriend; however, I realize it was wrong on so many levels because__________________________. I know someone who dated a friend’s boyfriend and the repercussions were_____________________.

RSWY Series-Rebuilding Your Life Part 3

Unrealistic Expectations

Cynthia

Cynthia (Photo credit: ARTS)

What are unrealistic expectations?
According to The Free Dictionary by Fairlex, unrealistic expectation is one who is not compatible with reality or fact; unreasonably idealistic.

Scenario # 2.

Cynthia is hoping that David will change his mind about having a committed relationship. David sees that Cynthia has serious feelings for him so he reminds her of their initial conversation; he is not looking for a serious commitment. Of course, Cynthia has other plans.

David meets Cynthia through a mutual friend. They are instantly attracted to each other; so, they go to a jazz bar and talk for hours.When the evening ends, they decide to exchange numbers. A few days pass and Cynthia is wondering why David hasn’t contacted her. Finally, she retrieves her purse, pulls out her iPhone and calls him; but, when she hears his voice she hangs up.

David recognizes the number and chuckles.He finishes his report,makes a few business calls then he leaves work. On his way home from work, he feels the need to call Cynthia and they chat for a few minutes. He ask Cynthia if she has any plans because he wants to take her to an early dinner and then the movies on Saturday.

Cynthia is ecstatic! She immediately goes to her closet and tries to find the perfect outfit to impress David. Days later,she becomes frantic because she has not heard from him and it’s Friday.  When her phone rings she immediately answers without looking at the caller I.D.; to her dismay it is not David.

David finally calls on Saturday morning to confirm their date;she is more relieved than excited.The movie is great and the food at the fancy restaurant is delicious. Later, Cynthia musters up the courage to ask David what type of relationship he is looking for and he tells her that he wants a non-committal one. She reluctantly agrees. However, in the forefront of her mind , she is hoping that once he gets to know her he will change his mind. After all, she is gorgeous, successful and financially sound.

They continue to casually date for six months. Cynthia is so tempted to shower him with expensive gifts but she knows he won’t accept them and she doesn’t want to run him away. In a moment of haste,she tells David that she is in love with him.(red flag) He can see it in her eyes.David reminds her of their initial conversation; he is not looking for a committed relationship. He doesn’t want to hurt her;however, he makes the decision to stop dating Cynthia and she is devastated.

Cynthia expected a great deal from David because she was dependent and insecure. She lacked confidence and relied on David to fill the void of her unsatisfied needs.Often, women like Cynthia believe that men ought to treat them the way they want them to respond. As beautiful and successful as Cynthia was portrayed, she was broken and needed affirmation. Women tend to put a superficial relationship on a pedestal expecting more than a man is willing to give. Then when men fail to meet a woman’s expectation, she feels betrayed, hurt and resentful. David was very clear at the beginning and it was up to Cynthia to either accept or reject his terms.

The good news is there are ways to improve feelings of self-worth, abandonment and insecurity. First, acknowledge that you have low self-esteem. Understand that attention  does not necessarily constitute a possible relationship. There are some men that are not ready to settle down so appreciate the honesty. In addition, there are issues that are childhood related such as the need to please a parent so they can feel affirmed, loved and nurtured.

A life coach helps people transform their lives and obtain the happiness that they desire. The coaching conversation will unblock your obstacles and take you to new heights.

Healthy relationships do start with you. You have to be confident, secure within yourself and recognize what is best for you. “If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it.”

Excerpts from Relationships Start With You

RSWY Series-Rebuilding Your Life Part 2

Good afternoon everyone! I would like to apologize for not posting yesterday, I am a little “under the weather.”

Infidelity

What is infidelity? The definition of infidelity in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is: “the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than your husband, wife, or partner.”

Scenario # 1- Not only are the Robinson’s marriage falling apart, Rita finds out that her husband of fourteen years is cheating and wants out of the marriage.

In America, most people feel infidelity is tied to one’s religious beliefs. The premise of marriage is that “the two shall become one,” “forsaking all others” are very restricted, in other words, there should not be any outside forces capable of breaking a sacred bond. (The Bible-King James Version)

When trust between two people is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild a marriage. In the Robinson’s case, Rita wants a divorce. They have struggled for years trying to hold the marriage together and Raymond decides he needs an outlet. Heartbroken and despondent accurately describe Rita state of mind. She is trying to figure out when the infidelity began, does she know the person and if anyone in her immediate circle knows the dirty truth.

Rita has to make a decision.  How does she approach Raymond with the information? Does she hire a private investigator to have concrete proof?  Deep in her, she knows it’s true because he’s coming home late, she finds the cell phone records and heartstakingly notices the same number, and he always starts an argument every time he wants to leave the house without her. The children suddenly enter into her clouded mind and she begins sobbing. Do I leave? What about the children? It’s too much to deal with right now.

Raymond arrives home coincidentally with her favorite flowers. He immediately notices that Rita has been crying; so, he asks her if she’s okay. Needless to say, she blurts out the information. He is stunned and has to admit it’s true because she threatens to leave with the children. Rita begins to cry uncontrollably and beats Raymond in the chest. He starts to apologize and said that he felt she no longer loved him; there was very little intimacy and love-making.

They decide to seek help. Through weeks of life coaching, they realize that poor communication and neglect caused the breakdown in the marriage. Raymond and Rita are aware that it is going to take time, patience, honesty and love to rebuild their relationship.

The Raymond’s successfully rebuilt their marriage.

Unfortunately, most marriages do not survive infidelity.

Excerpts from Relationships Start With You

What is a True Friendship?

Friends for Life

Someone ask me the other day what is my definition of a friend.

A friend is someone:

  • who loves you unconditionally
  • you can count on through thick and thin
  • who supports you in your endeavors/dreams
  • who gives great advise
  •  who believes in you
  • very honest
  • you feel comfortable being transparent
  • who is like family
  • remembers your birthday
  • who you don’t have to speak everyday but you know they are there for you
  • wants the best for you
  • encourages you to be your best
  • sticks closer than a brother/sister

Blessings,

RSWY