Women and Relationships Days 14-15 Surviving a Relationship Break-up

Breaking upBreaking up is REALLY hard to do but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. You thought you found your soul mate only to realize he’s spreading himself thin. You get angry and ask him to pack his bags and leave. Then, you wake up in the morning sending text messages, calling and wanting to explain that you were upset. You want to talk. The tables turn and he tell you emphatically it’s over. How do I go on with my life after being rejected? How do I survive a relationship break-up?

Heartbreak, for the most part is inevitable. You grab the tissue box, pint of ice cream, spoon and lay on the couch all day in your pajamas sulking and gorging on food, listening to love songs and watching romance movies that you once shared with your ex. You stop communicating with family and friends and you are not going to work. Should I have gotten upset? Maybe he really isn’t fooling around. Your mind is in a tailspin and you burst into tears.

Women see a break-up as personal failure instead of incompatibility. The gravity of the situation sets in and now you are alone. How do I begin the healing process? You formulate a plan and make the DECISION to deal with the pain, take the lessons  learned, forgive and move on. I know it sounds cut and down but that is the bottom line.

I was broken and distraught when my ex-husband left me. I spent years trying to figure out what I did wrong. Then, I had a conversation with my pastor and he said to me that God gives us free will; if the table was turned, would you want someone to force you to stay? Reality hit me in the face. My ex-husband had the right to leave because he was not happy. So, I had to accept the reality that he no longer loved me. I had to forgive him because I was emotionally stuck in 1995 and now it was time to begin working on me. I had to be transparent and I went through every emotion imaginable. My girlfriends were my anchor and I could not have healed if I did not have that loving support system.

How do you begin the healing process? You acknowledge the pain and you look at the part you played in the demise of the relationship. You keep things in perspective and you stop the emotional tape that plays in your head: why me? Keep yourself busy and remember all break-ups are not disastrous. It is to teach you invaluable and insightful lessons about yourself. Think about it. Do you really want to stay with someone that is no longer interested in you? Do you want to be with someone who is unfaithful and is putting your health at risk? You will find out how strong and resilient you really are and it will make you a better,stronger  person.

I commit to _____________________my past. I have to come to the realization that the relationship dissolved because________________________.

Women and Relationships Days 12-13 Time to End a Relationship

break up

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statistics show that women have a tendency to stay in a failed relationship far too long. What reasons do you stay when you know it is over? Are there childhood issues i.e. abandonment, absentee father, afraid child’s father will be a dead beat dad or low self- esteem? Some women stay because the ring has been purchased, house has been bought and everyone is expecting a wedding.

The question is what do YOU really want to do? Can you love, cherish, and commit to this person for the rest of your life?  Are you constantly having negative feelings toward your mate? If any of these questions are running through your mind, then it’s time to do some soul-searching. If your relationship is draining, full of drama, destructive or you question your mate’s loyalty then, more than likely, it’s time to get off the roller coaster ride. These are red flags and if you continue to ignore them you will be heartbroken and bitter. Some women have superficial reasons why they stay in a loveless relationship: he is wealthy, cute, a good lover and we have fun. You have to think about the long term effects of a dwindling relationship.

RATIONALE: Breaking up is hard to do but often necessary. Many people involved in long-term relationships feel they have given up their identity to “fit” into someone else’s. The difficulty in breaking up often stems from people being concerned about what others think or they feel the person will change. This creates tension, desperation and insecurity, which bolsters the desire to keep an unhealthy relationship together. The reality of a dead end relationship is you are alone anyway. You have a physical body but an emotionless soul that wants out just as much as you. You need to release yourself from the torment and anxiety of holding on for dear life to a loveless union and allow the right mate in so you can build a meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling relationship.

Everyone experiences highs and lows in their relationships. Pay attention to your inner voice and stop ignoring the obvious. Make a list and write down the good and bad points of your failing relationship. Ask yourself what is the ultimate deal breaker? Dispel the thought that it is better to have someone than to be alone. The loss of a significant relationship can be painful but necessary.

MANTRA: The main reason I should break up is because I am no longer getting what I need. When communicating my feels, needs and desires to my mate and they are ignored or dismissed, it is time to call it quits. The last straw is when I do not look forward to spending time or being intimate with my partner. I must be happy and fulfilled in my relationship and I will not lose my identity to appease someone else.

In my next relationship, I will make sure I am getting _____________ from being with this person. If my needs are not being met, I will_________________.