Women and Relationships Days 10-11 Happiness

Are you really happy with yourself? Is your happiness based on your economic status, material wealth, level of income or someone else i.e. partner? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of happiness (happy) is enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment; having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship and expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness. For some women, we have been conditioned to be dependent on others for our happiness.I chose to be happy

RATIONALE: Happiness is making choices or decisions that can increase your joy. It comes from within. You make the decision to be happy no matter what circumstances you are facing. In other words, even in a storm there is always a silver lining. Happiness is knowing that the situation is temporary and there is a valuable lesson that will improve the quality of your existence.

TESTIMONY: I remember in my 30’s and early 40’s , I based my happiness on the way others treated me and/or if I had someone in my life, I depended on them to make me feel happy, whole and complete. But, when the relationships ended, I would become depressed because I felt there was something wrong with me so I was not worthy of being happy.I was always afraid to be alone. I would watch couples holding hands at the mall or watch them have an intimate moment at a restaurant and wish it were me. I found it hard to be happy for someone else because I was so miserable.

Then, one day I made the decision to stop placing my happiness in someone else’s care. I was miserable and entangled with fear of men leaving me and they always did. I had to learn to love and value myself. It was a process. So, I unearthed those skeletons, looked at each situation for what it really was and I started enjoying being alone and not feeling lonely. I asked God to teach me to appreciate my life and to stop being a victim of my circumstances. I began reading self-help books; one of my favorite reads was Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. I also went to counseling. The greatest lesson I learned about being happy was if I radiated the love of God, it was reciprocated from my family, friends, and colleagues. I spoke love and acceptance over my life. I volunteered at the nursing home, took interest in the elderly at my home church and I did not have time to think about “poor little Gwen.” Someone else needed my love and I was able to give it without reservation.

MANTRA: Do something different; try new things. Enjoy taking yourself out to eat or to the movies. Get involved with an organization or women’s group. The best medicine for learning to be happy is volunteering and seeing that your situation is really not that bad. Take a walk, pray, get enough sleep, love on yourself, have a sense of accomplishment, reconnect with your friends, get a massage and most of all choose to love yourself unconditionally.

Today, I choose to be happy. My happiness is not based on someone else but____________. I will open my heart to others who are in need. I will forgive______ so that my spirit is free to receive love.

 

RSWY Series-Rebuilding Your Life Part 2

Good afternoon everyone! I would like to apologize for not posting yesterday, I am a little “under the weather.”

Infidelity

What is infidelity? The definition of infidelity in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is: “the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than your husband, wife, or partner.”

Scenario # 1- Not only are the Robinson’s marriage falling apart, Rita finds out that her husband of fourteen years is cheating and wants out of the marriage.

In America, most people feel infidelity is tied to one’s religious beliefs. The premise of marriage is that “the two shall become one,” “forsaking all others” are very restricted, in other words, there should not be any outside forces capable of breaking a sacred bond. (The Bible-King James Version)

When trust between two people is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild a marriage. In the Robinson’s case, Rita wants a divorce. They have struggled for years trying to hold the marriage together and Raymond decides he needs an outlet. Heartbroken and despondent accurately describe Rita state of mind. She is trying to figure out when the infidelity began, does she know the person and if anyone in her immediate circle knows the dirty truth.

Rita has to make a decision.  How does she approach Raymond with the information? Does she hire a private investigator to have concrete proof?  Deep in her, she knows it’s true because he’s coming home late, she finds the cell phone records and heartstakingly notices the same number, and he always starts an argument every time he wants to leave the house without her. The children suddenly enter into her clouded mind and she begins sobbing. Do I leave? What about the children? It’s too much to deal with right now.

Raymond arrives home coincidentally with her favorite flowers. He immediately notices that Rita has been crying; so, he asks her if she’s okay. Needless to say, she blurts out the information. He is stunned and has to admit it’s true because she threatens to leave with the children. Rita begins to cry uncontrollably and beats Raymond in the chest. He starts to apologize and said that he felt she no longer loved him; there was very little intimacy and love-making.

They decide to seek help. Through weeks of life coaching, they realize that poor communication and neglect caused the breakdown in the marriage. Raymond and Rita are aware that it is going to take time, patience, honesty and love to rebuild their relationship.

The Raymond’s successfully rebuilt their marriage.

Unfortunately, most marriages do not survive infidelity.

Excerpts from Relationships Start With You