(Real Talk) Ladies, do you really know your worth? Do you recognize the red flags? If you are not getting what you need, then it’s time to say BYE BYE!!! Don’t try to force a relationship to work! If he is a liar, only sees you at night (at your place), you can only call at certain times, he hasn’t introduced you to his close friends and family and he’s asking for money then the answer is in your face. You are “worth more than jewels” so why would you settle for that “creepin” mentality! Learn to cut your loses. A manipulative man can spot a vulnerable woman a mile away. Get your act together and kick that loser to the curb!!!!
God knows your situation and He wants you to trust Him. He will walk through the fire with you. Man CANNOT do what God can. No matter what it looks like keep your focus and humble yourself to His will. I am not telling you what I heard;I am speaking from experience. I have been critically ill (near death),cheated on, felt unloved, lost a job and had bill collectors calling non-stop. BUT, God heard the prayers from others and me!!! He STILL answers prayers. So, pull yourself together,drop that steel rod down your back and STAND on His Word!!!
From the heart,
Good morning everyone,
I started Relationships Start With You because I wanted to reach out to women who were broken and in despair. I was once that same woman. It breaks my heart when I see my sister despondent, not knowing which way to turn or what to do. So, I became transparent about my own personal demons and insecurites to let women know you can make it. No matter what stage/age you are in life there is always hope. I take my business seriously; my page is not a place to see how many fans I can get but to reach out to my sister in need. If I can help one woman then my work is not in vain. I know what it feels like and I am no different from you. I’ve dealt with infidelity, physical and verbal abuse and it made me feel that life was not worth living. My first step towards healing was making the decision to get out of my depression, receive the help I needed, leave my toxic relationship and start anew. It did not bother me anymore what people said or thought about me; my number one concern was my sanity and the example I was setting in front of my children. I wanted to live and be happy. As a result, I graduated from college in 1995 and 1998, set free in 2004, married my soulmate in 2009 and lost 61 lbs. in 2011!
You are not alone!
From the heart,
Good morning everyone,
I want to lift up every woman who feels lost, unloved, rejected, broken, at wits end and in toxic relationships.
I come this morning standing in the gap for my sisters who are in need. You know every hair on their heads because you are the Creator. I ask that prayers are answered and heavy weights are lifted so that the sun will shine again in their lives; dry their tears because you said “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” I pray for peace in the midst of every circumstance they are facing; you made the wind and the waves behave so there is absolutely nothing too hard for you! Let the love that we have for you, radiate and uplift a sister that is in dire need of peace, love, finances, freedom, forgiveness and restoration. We thank you for covering us with your protective shield. Dismiss us from this prayer but NEVER from your Holy Presence.
From the Heart,
When You Feel…
When you feel like giving up-press forward
When you feel alone-look to the people who love and support you
When you feel discouraged-remember those words that uplift you
When you need strength-remember how far you’ve come
When you need anything-CALL ON GOD!
Blessings and be encouraged,
I received a message on my fan page, Relationships Start With You,from a woman who has been dealing with adversity but her faith is in tact. I did receive permission to publish her message. I read it and so many things came to mind.
We complain about the most minute (of minor importance; insignificant; trifling) things and there is a sister out there who is struggling daily just to stay afloat. If you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and in your closet, shoes on your feet, a refrigerator and pantry full of food and a vehicle then you are blessed. Trust me I am ministering to myself. I ask God to give me the words to say so that I could witness to her and He did. The young lady, in turn, prayed for me. Remember, some people are one paycheck away from losing everything so be grateful.
Don’t wait until the holidays to help someone in need. Clean out your closets, write a check, volunteer or minister to a sister in need. Your words may be the catalyst for a woman to make the decision to pave forward and get her life in order. I am thankful that her children are in a safe place,too. Matthew 5:3 says “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.”~New Living Translation
These are her own words:
I‘ve spent all of 2012 since leaving my abuser in March being 7 and a 1/2 months pregnant for a page that could support my current situation. It’s hard being a single mom, on welfare, in transitional housing, with no friends or family to fall back on. Don’t get me wrong; I am happy because I KNOW I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED!! I came fleeing to my eldest sister whom which from I can remember barely ever saw eye to eye with. Needless to say, I lasted 6-7 days. I called a DV shelter, was prescreened, and accepted within 15 minutes. I can be descriptive but will get to the point. 2 months later after being granted an indefinite extension from my initial 28 day stay, I was given 4 days to pack up and go. Everywhere was packed literally. I called a lady whom I exchanged numbers with at the WIC office and she immediately took me to a church that funded me a 3 day stay to buy time for another shelter to have an opening but being 37 weeks pregnant nowhere wanted the liability. So graciously a lady named Janet Hagan from St. Vincet DePaul NEVER gave up on me and my cause. She helped me with extra resources to pay for what became only a 17 day stay total in the motel. After approximately 60+ nos God finally gave me a yes. I’ll admit the transitional program where I am now was the last number that a defeated me was NOT going to call. I was set up for an interview, called in 2 days with an acceptance and blessed to have had called 2-1-1 and be connected with an organization that helps pay for a security deposit for women relocating and surviving domestic violence. I was granted that fund in 2 days and moved in my own apartment the same day. Gladly, at 39 weeks, I gave birth to my son only being 7 days moved in. God is Good All The Time Every Time!! I left out a lot but this is my story. My home was fully furnished with brand new and not used EVERYTHING!! Crib, couch, dining room set, bathroom, kitchen utensils, Im still in awe of the overwhelming support and chase down of blessings I’ve received. To God be the Glory!!
Please remember her and the children in your prayers tonight!
Blessings and Favor,
Breaking up is REALLY hard to do but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. You thought you found your soul mate only to realize he’s spreading himself thin. You get angry and ask him to pack his bags and leave. Then, you wake up in the morning sending text messages, calling and wanting to explain that you were upset. You want to talk. The tables turn and he tell you emphatically it’s over. How do I go on with my life after being rejected? How do I survive a relationship break-up?
Heartbreak, for the most part is inevitable. You grab the tissue box, pint of ice cream, spoon and lay on the couch all day in your pajamas sulking and gorging on food, listening to love songs and watching romance movies that you once shared with your ex. You stop communicating with family and friends and you are not going to work. Should I have gotten upset? Maybe he really isn’t fooling around. Your mind is in a tailspin and you burst into tears.
Women see a break-up as personal failure instead of incompatibility. The gravity of the situation sets in and now you are alone. How do I begin the healing process? You formulate a plan and make the DECISION to deal with the pain, take the lessons learned, forgive and move on. I know it sounds cut and down but that is the bottom line.
I was broken and distraught when my ex-husband left me. I spent years trying to figure out what I did wrong. Then, I had a conversation with my pastor and he said to me that God gives us free will; if the table was turned, would you want someone to force you to stay? Reality hit me in the face. My ex-husband had the right to leave because he was not happy. So, I had to accept the reality that he no longer loved me. I had to forgive him because I was emotionally stuck in 1995 and now it was time to begin working on me. I had to be transparent and I went through every emotion imaginable. My girlfriends were my anchor and I could not have healed if I did not have that loving support system.
How do you begin the healing process? You acknowledge the pain and you look at the part you played in the demise of the relationship. You keep things in perspective and you stop the emotional tape that plays in your head: why me? Keep yourself busy and remember all break-ups are not disastrous. It is to teach you invaluable and insightful lessons about yourself. Think about it. Do you really want to stay with someone that is no longer interested in you? Do you want to be with someone who is unfaithful and is putting your health at risk? You will find out how strong and resilient you really are and it will make you a better,stronger person.
I commit to _____________________my past. I have to come to the realization that the relationship dissolved because________________________.
Statistics show that women have a tendency to stay in a failed relationship far too long. What reasons do you stay when you know it is over? Are there childhood issues i.e. abandonment, absentee father, afraid child’s father will be a dead beat dad or low self- esteem? Some women stay because the ring has been purchased, house has been bought and everyone is expecting a wedding.
The question is what do YOU really want to do? Can you love, cherish, and commit to this person for the rest of your life? Are you constantly having negative feelings toward your mate? If any of these questions are running through your mind, then it’s time to do some soul-searching. If your relationship is draining, full of drama, destructive or you question your mate’s loyalty then, more than likely, it’s time to get off the roller coaster ride. These are red flags and if you continue to ignore them you will be heartbroken and bitter. Some women have superficial reasons why they stay in a loveless relationship: he is wealthy, cute, a good lover and we have fun. You have to think about the long term effects of a dwindling relationship.
RATIONALE: Breaking up is hard to do but often necessary. Many people involved in long-term relationships feel they have given up their identity to “fit” into someone else’s. The difficulty in breaking up often stems from people being concerned about what others think or they feel the person will change. This creates tension, desperation and insecurity, which bolsters the desire to keep an unhealthy relationship together. The reality of a dead end relationship is you are alone anyway. You have a physical body but an emotionless soul that wants out just as much as you. You need to release yourself from the torment and anxiety of holding on for dear life to a loveless union and allow the right mate in so you can build a meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Everyone experiences highs and lows in their relationships. Pay attention to your inner voice and stop ignoring the obvious. Make a list and write down the good and bad points of your failing relationship. Ask yourself what is the ultimate deal breaker? Dispel the thought that it is better to have someone than to be alone. The loss of a significant relationship can be painful but necessary.
MANTRA: The main reason I should break up is because I am no longer getting what I need. When communicating my feels, needs and desires to my mate and they are ignored or dismissed, it is time to call it quits. The last straw is when I do not look forward to spending time or being intimate with my partner. I must be happy and fulfilled in my relationship and I will not lose my identity to appease someone else.
In my next relationship, I will make sure I am getting _____________ from being with this person. If my needs are not being met, I will_________________.
Essence Magazine, February 2012 issue,had an article called The Relationship Rules. Guest bloggers reviewed the “playbook on dating, sex and when to tell a little white lie.” One of the rules that I found fascinating was “if he’s dated your friend, he’s off limits.”
The guest bloggers’ general consciences was if you have officially ended the relationship, then the guy is free game just as long as you discuss it with your friend. I really pondered over the notion and was surprised at the responses. If you have been sexually involved with your ex, why would it be okay for your friend to date him? Intimate details have been shared among friends and it would appear to be an awkward situation. I just can’t go along with the ideology because my friendship could possibly be strained even though I have been given the “go ahead” to start dating the “old flame.”
RATIONALE-Where is the logic in this? I’ve heard the rationale that there is a shortage of men. Dating my friend’s ex is too close to home. I value my female friends and I would be so uncomfortable; it’s almost taboo. You have entrusted your friend with personal information and you use it against her to win him over. That is classless. There are enough men in the world that you don’t have to target your friend’s ex.
The number one reason NOT to date your friend’s former partner is because it will eventually break up the friendship and in the process you have lost a trusted friend. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and someone you used to love got involved with your close friend? You have just broken rule # 1: I can’t date him because she dated him. Secondly, none of your friends would want to be around you out of fear that you are checking out their boyfriend. Thirdly, don’t assume that you understand the intimate complexities of their relationship and why they broke up. Women share some things about their beau NOT everything . Lastly, what goes around comes around.
MANTRA: Dating a friend’s ex is never a good idea. Don’t you think for one minute that your friend giving you her blessing doesn’t mind, because she does. It is much better to find someone new than to risk a special friendship/bond over a relationship that may not last. Curiosity killed the cat and your friendship’s nine lives will come to an end!!!
Remember: true friendships are priceless.
I am guilty of dating my best friend’s ex-boyfriend; however, I realize it was wrong on so many levels because__________________________. I know someone who dated a friend’s boyfriend and the repercussions were_____________________.