Wisdom is the Bridge Between the Head and the Heart

As you get older, you see the world differently. You’ve gained wisdom from your experiences. The one thing that never changes is the core/ essence of who you are: your values, integrity and loving someone. I was insecure in my 20’s and 30’s yet I always wanted to be loved unconditionally. There weren’t any gray areas in my life; it was black and white. Now, I understand what love is and how to nurture and build a relationship. It takes those gray areas-forgiving and rebuilding instead of saying ” I am not going to put up with this!” It takes being vulnerable to another human being and communicating your true feelings without fear and reservation. It’s taking risks, commitment and UNCONDITIONAL love. That is the core of who I am; however, I had to love myself first. I tried to convince others how great a person I was/am but I had to believe in my soul that I was worthy. People come and go in your life but a piece of you goes with them through lessons learned.
‪#‎iSTILLbelieveinlove‬

 

 

Learn From Reality Shows: Relationship 101

Stevie J., Joseline and Meme View Source: blog.vh1.com

Stevie J., Joseline and Mimi
View Source: blog.vh1.com

Why do you live a dramatic life? What is cute about that? You are fighting, cursing and acting a damn fool over a man that is doing exactly what he wants!!! He is blatanly disrespecting you and for some strange reason, you are allowing it!!! Where is your self-worth, boundaries and standards? I am here to tell you that you can do better! It is a mentality. Learn from the show, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta (yes that is my gulity pleasure!). Joseline proposed to Stevie J KNOWING he is a womanizer!!!! Does that make sense to you? She ALLOWS him to continue to manipulate her by using his ex-girlfriend Mimi as a pawn. What is wrong with that picture? I see reality shows as life lessons. In other words, they model what is unacceptable in a thriving, loving and trustworthy relationship. Take notes!!!

Respect Yourself!!!

Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)

Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ladies, understand that your body is precious and it is not made to be used and abused. If you don’t respect yourself, then a MALE will use you until he’s had enough and leave you broken and feeling worthless. It’s never too late to change your way of thinking. Forgive yourself and start anew. ALWAYS know your worth and in the meantime work on yourself. Wait for the right MAN to enter your life and he’ll treat you like a queen, accept your faults, encourage and uplift you and make you his wife for life. (Put a ring on it!!!)

Recognize Game Ladies!!!

angry couple

(Real Talk) Ladies, do you really know your worth? Do you recognize the red flags? If you are not getting what you need, then it’s time to say BYE BYE!!! Don’t try to force a relationship to work! If he is a liar, only sees you at night (at your place), you can only call at certain times, he hasn’t introduced you to his close friends and family and he’s asking for money then the answer is in your face. You are “worth more than jewels” so why would you settle for that “creepin” mentality! Learn to cut your loses. A manipulative man can spot a vulnerable woman a mile away. Get your act together and kick that loser to the curb!!!!

How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship 05/22 by The Black Womans Guide To Love | Blog Talk Radio

Hatlanta Jazz and Brunch-benefit

How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship 05/22 by The Black Womans Guide To Love | Blog Talk Radio.

Have you every wanted to get out of a relationship, but did not know how?  Then this is the episode for you. 

Gwendolyn Owens of Relationships Start With You, is a speaker-women’s advocate/relationship expert, educator, writer and blogger. Her message breathes life into women who are broken, have low self-esteem and are in toxic relationships. Gwendolyn is passionate about helping women overcome adversity because she was once a very troubled and insecure person with no hope. She triumphed and overcame a devastating divorce, low self-esteem, a life-threatening illness and job loss.

Join the regular Black Woman Guide to Love team of Shawn Hill, author of The Single Black Woman’s Guide to Dating, Patrick Bishop, author of the Way of the Scarecrow, and Keitha Stoute of the Cruise Controlled Blog.

As Women, Where Do We Draw The Line…

I chose to be happyWhen a man disrespects you by calling you a b***h, wh**e and trap, why do you still allow him in your life. You were given a birth name. Others terms of endearment are fine but NEVER allow a man or woman to disrespect you. It poisons your mindset and then you think less of yourself. Stop dealing with little boys, cowards, abusers and males who will not get a job and instead lay on your couch, eat your food, use your air, water and lights, are mean to your children and then take your money. There are men out there who were raised well. You can do better!!! KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!
DYSFUNCTION is not a option!!! Love yourself and your children enough to get out of that unhealthy relationship. There are all kinds of government and private resources, family and friends that can help you ONLY if you want better! Always have a plan in place so that you are safe! I am fighting and praying for your strength!
From the heart!
Gwendolyn

Women and Relationships Days 20-21 I Am My Sister’s Keeper

god

God (Photo credit: the|G|™)

I received a message on my  fan page, Relationships Start With You,from  a woman who has been dealing with adversity but her faith is in tact. I did receive permission to publish her message. I read it and so many things came to mind.

We complain about the most minute (of minor importance; insignificant; trifling) things and there is a sister out there who is struggling daily just to stay afloat. If you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and in your closet, shoes on your feet, a refrigerator and pantry full of food and a vehicle then you are blessed. Trust me I am ministering to myself. I ask God to give me the words to say so that I could witness to her and He did. The young lady, in turn, prayed for me. Remember, some people are one paycheck away from losing everything so be grateful.

Don’t wait until the holidays to help someone in need. Clean out your closets, write a check, volunteer or minister to a sister in need. Your words may be the catalyst for a woman to make the decision to pave forward and get her life in order. I am thankful that her children are in a safe place,too.  Matthew 5:3 says “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.”~New Living Translation

These are her own words:

I‘ve spent all of 2012 since leaving my abuser in March being 7 and a 1/2 months pregnant for a page that could support my current situation. It’s hard being a single mom, on welfare, in transitional housing, with no friends or family to fall back on. Don’t get me wrong; I am happy because I KNOW I AM BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED!! I came fleeing to my eldest sister whom which from I can remember barely ever saw eye to eye with. Needless to say, I lasted 6-7 days. I called a DV shelter, was prescreened, and accepted within 15 minutes. I can be descriptive but will get to the point. 2 months later after being granted an indefinite extension from my initial 28 day stay, I was given 4 days to pack up and go. Everywhere was packed literally. I called a lady whom I exchanged numbers with at the WIC office and she immediately took me to a church that funded me a 3 day stay to buy time for another shelter to have an opening but being 37 weeks pregnant nowhere wanted the liability. So graciously a lady named Janet Hagan from St. Vincet DePaul NEVER gave up on me and my cause. She helped me with extra resources to pay for what became only a 17 day stay total in the motel. After approximately 60+ nos God finally gave me a yes. I’ll admit the transitional program where I am now was the last number that a defeated me was NOT going to call. I was set up for an interview, called in 2 days with an acceptance and blessed to have had called 2-1-1 and be connected with an organization that helps pay for a security deposit for women relocating and surviving domestic violence. I was granted that fund in 2 days and moved in my own apartment the same day. Gladly, at 39 weeks, I gave birth to my son only being 7 days moved in. God is Good All The Time Every Time!! I left out a lot but this is my story. My home was fully furnished with brand new and not used EVERYTHING!! Crib, couch, dining room set, bathroom, kitchen utensils, Im still in awe of the overwhelming support and chase down of blessings I’ve received. To God be the Glory!!

Please remember her and the children in your prayers tonight!

Blessings and Favor,

RSWY

Women and Relationships Days 14-15 Surviving a Relationship Break-up

Breaking upBreaking up is REALLY hard to do but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. You thought you found your soul mate only to realize he’s spreading himself thin. You get angry and ask him to pack his bags and leave. Then, you wake up in the morning sending text messages, calling and wanting to explain that you were upset. You want to talk. The tables turn and he tell you emphatically it’s over. How do I go on with my life after being rejected? How do I survive a relationship break-up?

Heartbreak, for the most part is inevitable. You grab the tissue box, pint of ice cream, spoon and lay on the couch all day in your pajamas sulking and gorging on food, listening to love songs and watching romance movies that you once shared with your ex. You stop communicating with family and friends and you are not going to work. Should I have gotten upset? Maybe he really isn’t fooling around. Your mind is in a tailspin and you burst into tears.

Women see a break-up as personal failure instead of incompatibility. The gravity of the situation sets in and now you are alone. How do I begin the healing process? You formulate a plan and make the DECISION to deal with the pain, take the lessons  learned, forgive and move on. I know it sounds cut and down but that is the bottom line.

I was broken and distraught when my ex-husband left me. I spent years trying to figure out what I did wrong. Then, I had a conversation with my pastor and he said to me that God gives us free will; if the table was turned, would you want someone to force you to stay? Reality hit me in the face. My ex-husband had the right to leave because he was not happy. So, I had to accept the reality that he no longer loved me. I had to forgive him because I was emotionally stuck in 1995 and now it was time to begin working on me. I had to be transparent and I went through every emotion imaginable. My girlfriends were my anchor and I could not have healed if I did not have that loving support system.

How do you begin the healing process? You acknowledge the pain and you look at the part you played in the demise of the relationship. You keep things in perspective and you stop the emotional tape that plays in your head: why me? Keep yourself busy and remember all break-ups are not disastrous. It is to teach you invaluable and insightful lessons about yourself. Think about it. Do you really want to stay with someone that is no longer interested in you? Do you want to be with someone who is unfaithful and is putting your health at risk? You will find out how strong and resilient you really are and it will make you a better,stronger  person.

I commit to _____________________my past. I have to come to the realization that the relationship dissolved because________________________.

Women and Relationships Days 10-11 Happiness

Are you really happy with yourself? Is your happiness based on your economic status, material wealth, level of income or someone else i.e. partner? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of happiness (happy) is enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment; having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship and expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness. For some women, we have been conditioned to be dependent on others for our happiness.I chose to be happy

RATIONALE: Happiness is making choices or decisions that can increase your joy. It comes from within. You make the decision to be happy no matter what circumstances you are facing. In other words, even in a storm there is always a silver lining. Happiness is knowing that the situation is temporary and there is a valuable lesson that will improve the quality of your existence.

TESTIMONY: I remember in my 30’s and early 40’s , I based my happiness on the way others treated me and/or if I had someone in my life, I depended on them to make me feel happy, whole and complete. But, when the relationships ended, I would become depressed because I felt there was something wrong with me so I was not worthy of being happy.I was always afraid to be alone. I would watch couples holding hands at the mall or watch them have an intimate moment at a restaurant and wish it were me. I found it hard to be happy for someone else because I was so miserable.

Then, one day I made the decision to stop placing my happiness in someone else’s care. I was miserable and entangled with fear of men leaving me and they always did. I had to learn to love and value myself. It was a process. So, I unearthed those skeletons, looked at each situation for what it really was and I started enjoying being alone and not feeling lonely. I asked God to teach me to appreciate my life and to stop being a victim of my circumstances. I began reading self-help books; one of my favorite reads was Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. I also went to counseling. The greatest lesson I learned about being happy was if I radiated the love of God, it was reciprocated from my family, friends, and colleagues. I spoke love and acceptance over my life. I volunteered at the nursing home, took interest in the elderly at my home church and I did not have time to think about “poor little Gwen.” Someone else needed my love and I was able to give it without reservation.

MANTRA: Do something different; try new things. Enjoy taking yourself out to eat or to the movies. Get involved with an organization or women’s group. The best medicine for learning to be happy is volunteering and seeing that your situation is really not that bad. Take a walk, pray, get enough sleep, love on yourself, have a sense of accomplishment, reconnect with your friends, get a massage and most of all choose to love yourself unconditionally.

Today, I choose to be happy. My happiness is not based on someone else but____________. I will open my heart to others who are in need. I will forgive______ so that my spirit is free to receive love.