Women and Relationships Days 6 and 7 Verbal Abuse








“You are so stupid!” “Nobody wants you!” ” You need to lose weight with your fat a$%!” Words cut to the core of a person. MALES who are insecure and inept control their mates through verbal attacks and intimidation. Most of the time they convey negative messages by yelling, cursing,screaming,  jokes, blaming , name calling,using words to embarrass and degrade, blowing up with anger and rage and are always on the defensive. More importantly, the perpetrator dismisses his mate’s feelings and says that she is too sensitive. They try to break the confidence and spirit of a woman which causes her to doubt who she is and essentially her self-esteem is in the toilet.

Anatomy of a Perpetrator- Verbal abusers are insecure and have deep seeded issues of inadequacy.  They are sometimes narcissistic, reactive, manipulative, a loner, opportunistic, self-deceptive and have rigid expectations. Verbal abusers need to feel powerful and be in control; thus,simulating a sense of feeling good about themselves. So, they attack the person closest to them which is their mate. If the mate backs down when she is confronted or berated it makes him feel good; he conquered what he sets out to do-humiliate her. Most abusers do not want the outside world to know that mean and nasty words come out of their mouths. They have an “image” to uphold. They want to appear kind, loving and attentive. So, a woman is usually safe when others are around. Image is everything to an insecure male.

“People who have never been abused often wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave. They don’t understand that breaking up can be more complicated than it seems.” Break the Cycle

REMEDY– The only way to stop verbal abuse is to change the way you respond to it. Please understand that it is not your fault. Most verbal abusers have deep seeded psychological issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Remove yourself from the situation and get professional help. In addition have a solid, trusting support group that can encourage you to see the situation for what it really is:abuse. Do not show your emotions to the abuser. They feed off of your reaction. No platform. No reaction. Lastly, allow yourself time to heal. In the event that you are able to work things out with your mate and the verbal abuse stops, you need to let your emotions heal. Again, counseling can help you rebuild your self-esteem.  After he has received help, limit your interaction until you feel ready to be around him again.

MANTRA Physical, emotional, mental and psychological abuse is not to be tolerated. I will not put myself in the position to be bullied, disrespected, verbally abused or live in fear.  Cowards hurt women. Men treat women with class, respect, patience, love, and they appreciate you. If you are in a threatening, volatile situation, please seek help immediately. Call 911, crisis hotline or seek refuge from family,  friends or a shelter. When you love yourself, you will not stay in an abusive relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline  number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

I am not designed to be hurt or abused in any form because_________________.I will not put my children nor myself in a volatile situation because I am financially dependent or have nowhere to go. There are resources that are available to me.



Women and Relationships Days 4 and 5-Desperation

I am ALWAYS available. I am clingy. I am afraid to make a mistake. I am afraid to voice my concerns. I need to constantly know the status of my relationship. I fish for compliments. I drop my friends so I am available at all times. I lower my standards. I rationalize bad treatment. Do any of  these statements ring true in your life? If you see yourself exhibiting these types of behavior, you are acting desperate.
What is desperation? the condition of being desperate;recklessness arising from despair.
Desperation is a mental trap of insecurities. This behavior comes from lack of self-respect, poor body image,low self-esteem or a devastating breakup. You are constantly on “high alert.” Anxiety sets in if the phone doesn’t constantly ring or he tells you he is not pleased with your actions. So, you start buying him clothes, expensive cologne, taking him out and then the focal point/goal is pleasing him and not getting your own needs met. You start making unannounced visits. Red Flag: your unsolicited help will be viewed as interfering with his privacy;he won’t appreciate it and it will definitely turn him off!!!
REMEDY: Healthy relationships have balance. When you aren’t looking for a man is when they are most likely to find you. Learn to embrace who you are and be confident in what you have to offer. Understand that you don’t have to put on a “dog and pony show‘ to hold on or attract a man. Be yourself. If the relationship does not work, that means you are not compatible. Stop reading so much into why the relationship dissolved. Some women need professional help to deal with issues that are deeply ingrained into their psyche. Do what it takes to improve your quality of life. It is well worth it . ***Your soul mate is waiting for you and at the precise time your paths will cross. Be patient, enjoy dating and loving you!
Today’s Mantra: I do not have to buy a man. I have qualities that will attract my soul mate. I will not lower my standards because I don’t want to be alone or rejected. I will not sell myself short when it comes to allowing a man into my personal space/world. He must be gainfully employed, respectful, kind, loving, honest, adventurous and have a heart for God. If my values clash with his, it simply means he is not the one for me.
I am guilty of _____________ when it comes to relationships with men. Today, I will work on __________________ to improve myself so that the right man can enter into my life.

Relationships Start With You 2013 Series-Women and Relationships

RSWY is so excited about the upcoming series: Women and Relationships. Some of the candid topics will be STD’s, Loving Yourself,Surviving a Relationship Breakup, Being a Mother, Women and Careers and many more. 2013 is the year for empowering women!!! The series will be interactive and I would love to share some of your stories (inbox /message me and of course they will be posted anonymously). Ladies get your journals!!!
Happy Holidays!!!

Relationships Start With You Bookings for 2013

I am the CEO of Relationships Start With You. We assists women who are dealing with low self-esteem, poor body image and are struggling with life’s difficult transitions. We offer candid motivational speaking, interactive workshops, freelance writing and family and community outreach services.

Year 2013 is around the corner so book us today. Go to

Hatlanta Jazz and Brunch-benefit

Hatlanta Jazz and Brunch-benefit

www.relationshipsstartwithyou.net or call 404-832-5480. Blessings!!!

Series-Rebuilding Your Life

I’m excited to announce that I am starting a new series of blog posts, called “Rebuilding Your Life.”

I get a lot of questions from my clients, friends and family about the motivating factors that help to rebuild my life and begin anew.  I would love your feedback so that I can improve my blog and better serve you.