Re-Evaluation Time

couple laughingLadies, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. If you are not getting what you need then something is wrong. Relationships are supposed to be mutually connected, fulfilling, exciting and grounded. Yes, you will have challenges but you work out issues by making compromises. Loving someone is an action. A person can tell you, “Oh, baby I love you!” and abuse you. However, a man respects and honors his lady. He is kind, nurturing, responsible, loving, and makes sure you are happy in the relationship. Why would you allow someone to take advantage of you and out of desperation you continue to cling to a selfish, abusive, and inconsiderate man? You teach people how to treat you by setting boundaries. You know the answer now act upon it. There are great SINGLE men out there.

http://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsStartWithYou.

You Ought to be Ashamed of Yourself!

REAL TALK: Ladies stop putting a man’s needs over your children. God gave you charge to love, nurture, teach and model how to live life. Stop exposing your children to worthless MALES for a few dollars and a warm bed. Your children will resent you for making them feel unloved and discarded. Stop having babies if you are not willing to raise them properly. It’s called birth control.

http://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsStartWithYou.

Cheating= Exit to the Left!!!

Cheating is never an option. If your relationship is falling apart and you no longer want to be with that person have the decency to tell him/her. Money, sex, and dependency are selfish reasons to stay tied to someone. Always put yourself in that person’s shoes and see if you would like being used. In today’s society many people have lost their lives or have been seriously hurt because of cheating. Do the right thing and let that person go.

From the heart,
Gwendolyn
www.facebook.com/RelationshipsStartWithYou.

Don’t Give Up!!!

Gwendolyn Owens-Relationships Start With You

Gwendolyn Owens-Relationships Start With You

God knows your situation and He wants you to trust Him. He will walk through the fire with you. Man CANNOT do what God can. No matter what it looks like keep your focus and humble yourself to His will. I am not telling you what I heard;I am speaking from experience. I have been critically ill (near death),cheated on, felt unloved, lost a job and had bill collectors calling non-stop. BUT, God heard the prayers from others and me!!! He STILL answers prayers. So, pull yourself together,drop that steel rod down your back and STAND on His Word!!! 

From the heart, 
Gwendolyn 

Woman

I-am-my-own-womanStart loving yourself today! A real man loves a woman with intellect and confidence. Yes, being healthy is very important! Nevertheless, always love the skin you are in because beauty will fade, curves will expand, and your hair will gray and recede. 

Always have class and grace; those characteristics will carry you places you never imagined. I am proud to be called a woman!!!

My Endless Love

Happy Valentine's day!

Happy Valentine’s day! (Photo credit: DonnaGrayson)

Today is a sad day for some of you for various reasons. Please keep in mind that Valentine’s Day comes only once a year and love is endless. If you are without a significant other, know that the greatest love of all is self-love. So, today go to the spa, enjoy time with family and friends, visit someone in a nursing home(who is lonely and forgotten) but never forget that God loves you 365/366 days a year, 52 weeks a year, 8765.81 hours in a year, 525,948 minutes a year and 31,556,926 seconds in a year,7 days a week and 24 hours a day! Now, that’s LOVE!!!

From the Heart,
Gwendolyn-RSWY

Women and Relationships Days 14-15 Surviving a Relationship Break-up

Breaking upBreaking up is REALLY hard to do but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. You thought you found your soul mate only to realize he’s spreading himself thin. You get angry and ask him to pack his bags and leave. Then, you wake up in the morning sending text messages, calling and wanting to explain that you were upset. You want to talk. The tables turn and he tell you emphatically it’s over. How do I go on with my life after being rejected? How do I survive a relationship break-up?

Heartbreak, for the most part is inevitable. You grab the tissue box, pint of ice cream, spoon and lay on the couch all day in your pajamas sulking and gorging on food, listening to love songs and watching romance movies that you once shared with your ex. You stop communicating with family and friends and you are not going to work. Should I have gotten upset? Maybe he really isn’t fooling around. Your mind is in a tailspin and you burst into tears.

Women see a break-up as personal failure instead of incompatibility. The gravity of the situation sets in and now you are alone. How do I begin the healing process? You formulate a plan and make the DECISION to deal with the pain, take the lessons  learned, forgive and move on. I know it sounds cut and down but that is the bottom line.

I was broken and distraught when my ex-husband left me. I spent years trying to figure out what I did wrong. Then, I had a conversation with my pastor and he said to me that God gives us free will; if the table was turned, would you want someone to force you to stay? Reality hit me in the face. My ex-husband had the right to leave because he was not happy. So, I had to accept the reality that he no longer loved me. I had to forgive him because I was emotionally stuck in 1995 and now it was time to begin working on me. I had to be transparent and I went through every emotion imaginable. My girlfriends were my anchor and I could not have healed if I did not have that loving support system.

How do you begin the healing process? You acknowledge the pain and you look at the part you played in the demise of the relationship. You keep things in perspective and you stop the emotional tape that plays in your head: why me? Keep yourself busy and remember all break-ups are not disastrous. It is to teach you invaluable and insightful lessons about yourself. Think about it. Do you really want to stay with someone that is no longer interested in you? Do you want to be with someone who is unfaithful and is putting your health at risk? You will find out how strong and resilient you really are and it will make you a better,stronger  person.

I commit to _____________________my past. I have to come to the realization that the relationship dissolved because________________________.

Women and Relationships Days 12-13 Time to End a Relationship

break up

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statistics show that women have a tendency to stay in a failed relationship far too long. What reasons do you stay when you know it is over? Are there childhood issues i.e. abandonment, absentee father, afraid child’s father will be a dead beat dad or low self- esteem? Some women stay because the ring has been purchased, house has been bought and everyone is expecting a wedding.

The question is what do YOU really want to do? Can you love, cherish, and commit to this person for the rest of your life?  Are you constantly having negative feelings toward your mate? If any of these questions are running through your mind, then it’s time to do some soul-searching. If your relationship is draining, full of drama, destructive or you question your mate’s loyalty then, more than likely, it’s time to get off the roller coaster ride. These are red flags and if you continue to ignore them you will be heartbroken and bitter. Some women have superficial reasons why they stay in a loveless relationship: he is wealthy, cute, a good lover and we have fun. You have to think about the long term effects of a dwindling relationship.

RATIONALE: Breaking up is hard to do but often necessary. Many people involved in long-term relationships feel they have given up their identity to “fit” into someone else’s. The difficulty in breaking up often stems from people being concerned about what others think or they feel the person will change. This creates tension, desperation and insecurity, which bolsters the desire to keep an unhealthy relationship together. The reality of a dead end relationship is you are alone anyway. You have a physical body but an emotionless soul that wants out just as much as you. You need to release yourself from the torment and anxiety of holding on for dear life to a loveless union and allow the right mate in so you can build a meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling relationship.

Everyone experiences highs and lows in their relationships. Pay attention to your inner voice and stop ignoring the obvious. Make a list and write down the good and bad points of your failing relationship. Ask yourself what is the ultimate deal breaker? Dispel the thought that it is better to have someone than to be alone. The loss of a significant relationship can be painful but necessary.

MANTRA: The main reason I should break up is because I am no longer getting what I need. When communicating my feels, needs and desires to my mate and they are ignored or dismissed, it is time to call it quits. The last straw is when I do not look forward to spending time or being intimate with my partner. I must be happy and fulfilled in my relationship and I will not lose my identity to appease someone else.

In my next relationship, I will make sure I am getting _____________ from being with this person. If my needs are not being met, I will_________________.

Women and Relationships Days 8-9 Female Friendships

black white friendshipEssence Magazine, February 2012 issue,had an article called The Relationship Rules. Guest bloggers reviewed the “playbook on dating, sex and when to tell a little white lie.” One of the rules that I found fascinating was “if he’s dated your friend, he’s off limits.”

The guest bloggers’ general consciences was if you have officially ended the relationship, then the guy is free game just as long as you discuss it with your friend. I really pondered over the notion and was surprised at the responses. If you have been sexually involved with your ex, why would it be okay for your friend to date him? Intimate details have been shared among  friends and it would appear to be an awkward situation. I just can’t go along with the ideology because my friendship could possibly be strained even though I have been given the “go ahead” to start dating the “old flame.”

RATIONALE-Where is the logic in this? I’ve heard the rationale that there is a shortage of men. Dating my friend’s ex is too close to home. I value my female friends and I would be so uncomfortable; it’s almost taboo. You have entrusted your friend with personal information and you use it against her to win him over. That is classless. There are enough men in the world that you don’t have to target your friend’s ex.

The number one reason NOT to date your friend’s former partner is because it will eventually break up the friendship and in the process you have lost a trusted friend. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and someone you used to love got involved with your close friend? You have just broken rule # 1: I can’t date him because she dated him. Secondly, none of your friends would want to be around you out of fear that you are checking out their boyfriend. Thirdly, don’t assume that you understand the intimate complexities of their relationship and why they broke up. Women share some things about their beau NOT everything . Lastly, what goes around comes around.

MANTRA: Dating a friend’s ex is never a good idea. Don’t you think for one minute that your friend giving you her blessing doesn’t mind, because she does. It is much better to find someone new than to risk a special friendship/bond over a relationship that may not last.  Curiosity killed the cat and your friendship’s nine lives will come to an end!!!

Remember: true friendships are priceless.

I am guilty of dating my best friend’s ex-boyfriend; however, I realize it was wrong on so many levels because__________________________. I know someone who dated a friend’s boyfriend and the repercussions were_____________________.

Women and Relationships Days 4 and 5-Desperation

BeYourself
I am ALWAYS available. I am clingy. I am afraid to make a mistake. I am afraid to voice my concerns. I need to constantly know the status of my relationship. I fish for compliments. I drop my friends so I am available at all times. I lower my standards. I rationalize bad treatment. Do any of  these statements ring true in your life? If you see yourself exhibiting these types of behavior, you are acting desperate.
What is desperation? the condition of being desperate;recklessness arising from despair.
Desperation is a mental trap of insecurities. This behavior comes from lack of self-respect, poor body image,low self-esteem or a devastating breakup. You are constantly on “high alert.” Anxiety sets in if the phone doesn’t constantly ring or he tells you he is not pleased with your actions. So, you start buying him clothes, expensive cologne, taking him out and then the focal point/goal is pleasing him and not getting your own needs met. You start making unannounced visits. Red Flag: your unsolicited help will be viewed as interfering with his privacy;he won’t appreciate it and it will definitely turn him off!!!
REMEDY: Healthy relationships have balance. When you aren’t looking for a man is when they are most likely to find you. Learn to embrace who you are and be confident in what you have to offer. Understand that you don’t have to put on a “dog and pony show‘ to hold on or attract a man. Be yourself. If the relationship does not work, that means you are not compatible. Stop reading so much into why the relationship dissolved. Some women need professional help to deal with issues that are deeply ingrained into their psyche. Do what it takes to improve your quality of life. It is well worth it . ***Your soul mate is waiting for you and at the precise time your paths will cross. Be patient, enjoy dating and loving you!
Today’s Mantra: I do not have to buy a man. I have qualities that will attract my soul mate. I will not lower my standards because I don’t want to be alone or rejected. I will not sell myself short when it comes to allowing a man into my personal space/world. He must be gainfully employed, respectful, kind, loving, honest, adventurous and have a heart for God. If my values clash with his, it simply means he is not the one for me.
I am guilty of _____________ when it comes to relationships with men. Today, I will work on __________________ to improve myself so that the right man can enter into my life.
RSWY