Happy Being Me/Brown Skin

Angie_Stone_-_Stone_Love_album_cover

Indiaarie-brown_skin

 

Take care and love yourself! You cannot expect someone to treat you a certain way and you have absolutely no regard for your own well-being. Stop treating others better than you do yourself! You have to know your worth. Your family and friends can encourage and tell you how wonderful you are but it doesn’t mean anything if YOU don’t believe it!!! Go to counseling! Join a support group! Speak love and life over yourself. Stop believing negative things that other have said about you. They are miserable themselves. Love comes from within; it is not superficial. Words like”I am too fat; I am too dark; my hair is too kinky” are self-defeating. If you are tired of being fat, there is a solution-lose weight. Embrace your beautiful brown skin and natural hair! I wasn’t blessed with a round bottom but I had to learn to accept that there is more to me than my ass! Nobody can say it better than Angie Stone,”Happy Being Me” and India Arie, “Brown Skin.” Listen to these songs!!! I dare you!!!

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How Did You Do It?

RSWY CEO Gwen OwensPeople ask me all the time, “how did you overcome adversity?” I DECIDED that I wanted more out of life and I was through feeling sorry for myself. It was that simple. The process was sometimes difficult but I would not trade the life God has given me. I learned to take one minute at a time and embrace me. I know what it is like to be broken; but, I know what joy and being whole feels like,too. I have peace even when things are off course because I know there is someone much greater than me. He made promises and I can count on Him to keep them. He doesn’t lie and he is merciful and kind. He never said it would be easy but he promised to comfort and keep me. I believe you know Him, too! Just step out on faith and believe.
RSWY

My Endless Love

Happy Valentine's day!

Happy Valentine’s day! (Photo credit: DonnaGrayson)

Today is a sad day for some of you for various reasons. Please keep in mind that Valentine’s Day comes only once a year and love is endless. If you are without a significant other, know that the greatest love of all is self-love. So, today go to the spa, enjoy time with family and friends, visit someone in a nursing home(who is lonely and forgotten) but never forget that God loves you 365/366 days a year, 52 weeks a year, 8765.81 hours in a year, 525,948 minutes a year and 31,556,926 seconds in a year,7 days a week and 24 hours a day! Now, that’s LOVE!!!

From the Heart,
Gwendolyn-RSWY

Women and Relationships Days 14-15 Surviving a Relationship Break-up

Breaking upBreaking up is REALLY hard to do but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. You thought you found your soul mate only to realize he’s spreading himself thin. You get angry and ask him to pack his bags and leave. Then, you wake up in the morning sending text messages, calling and wanting to explain that you were upset. You want to talk. The tables turn and he tell you emphatically it’s over. How do I go on with my life after being rejected? How do I survive a relationship break-up?

Heartbreak, for the most part is inevitable. You grab the tissue box, pint of ice cream, spoon and lay on the couch all day in your pajamas sulking and gorging on food, listening to love songs and watching romance movies that you once shared with your ex. You stop communicating with family and friends and you are not going to work. Should I have gotten upset? Maybe he really isn’t fooling around. Your mind is in a tailspin and you burst into tears.

Women see a break-up as personal failure instead of incompatibility. The gravity of the situation sets in and now you are alone. How do I begin the healing process? You formulate a plan and make the DECISION to deal with the pain, take the lessons  learned, forgive and move on. I know it sounds cut and down but that is the bottom line.

I was broken and distraught when my ex-husband left me. I spent years trying to figure out what I did wrong. Then, I had a conversation with my pastor and he said to me that God gives us free will; if the table was turned, would you want someone to force you to stay? Reality hit me in the face. My ex-husband had the right to leave because he was not happy. So, I had to accept the reality that he no longer loved me. I had to forgive him because I was emotionally stuck in 1995 and now it was time to begin working on me. I had to be transparent and I went through every emotion imaginable. My girlfriends were my anchor and I could not have healed if I did not have that loving support system.

How do you begin the healing process? You acknowledge the pain and you look at the part you played in the demise of the relationship. You keep things in perspective and you stop the emotional tape that plays in your head: why me? Keep yourself busy and remember all break-ups are not disastrous. It is to teach you invaluable and insightful lessons about yourself. Think about it. Do you really want to stay with someone that is no longer interested in you? Do you want to be with someone who is unfaithful and is putting your health at risk? You will find out how strong and resilient you really are and it will make you a better,stronger  person.

I commit to _____________________my past. I have to come to the realization that the relationship dissolved because________________________.

Women and Relationships Days 10-11 Happiness

Are you really happy with yourself? Is your happiness based on your economic status, material wealth, level of income or someone else i.e. partner? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of happiness (happy) is enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment; having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship and expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness. For some women, we have been conditioned to be dependent on others for our happiness.I chose to be happy

RATIONALE: Happiness is making choices or decisions that can increase your joy. It comes from within. You make the decision to be happy no matter what circumstances you are facing. In other words, even in a storm there is always a silver lining. Happiness is knowing that the situation is temporary and there is a valuable lesson that will improve the quality of your existence.

TESTIMONY: I remember in my 30’s and early 40’s , I based my happiness on the way others treated me and/or if I had someone in my life, I depended on them to make me feel happy, whole and complete. But, when the relationships ended, I would become depressed because I felt there was something wrong with me so I was not worthy of being happy.I was always afraid to be alone. I would watch couples holding hands at the mall or watch them have an intimate moment at a restaurant and wish it were me. I found it hard to be happy for someone else because I was so miserable.

Then, one day I made the decision to stop placing my happiness in someone else’s care. I was miserable and entangled with fear of men leaving me and they always did. I had to learn to love and value myself. It was a process. So, I unearthed those skeletons, looked at each situation for what it really was and I started enjoying being alone and not feeling lonely. I asked God to teach me to appreciate my life and to stop being a victim of my circumstances. I began reading self-help books; one of my favorite reads was Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. I also went to counseling. The greatest lesson I learned about being happy was if I radiated the love of God, it was reciprocated from my family, friends, and colleagues. I spoke love and acceptance over my life. I volunteered at the nursing home, took interest in the elderly at my home church and I did not have time to think about “poor little Gwen.” Someone else needed my love and I was able to give it without reservation.

MANTRA: Do something different; try new things. Enjoy taking yourself out to eat or to the movies. Get involved with an organization or women’s group. The best medicine for learning to be happy is volunteering and seeing that your situation is really not that bad. Take a walk, pray, get enough sleep, love on yourself, have a sense of accomplishment, reconnect with your friends, get a massage and most of all choose to love yourself unconditionally.

Today, I choose to be happy. My happiness is not based on someone else but____________. I will open my heart to others who are in need. I will forgive______ so that my spirit is free to receive love.